It’s not uncommon for me to work with individuals and teams who are driven by a deep desire to excel, to help, and to lead by example.
These are the leaders who take on more work than they can handle, who struggle to say "no," and who often find it challenging to delegate tasks. They fear appearing incompetent or unhelpful, and as a result, they inadvertently sacrifice their own well-being and effectiveness. If this sounds like you, then you're not alone.
Let’s explore the importance of setting better boundaries, and consider some practical tips to help you to set and maintain boundaries.
1. Acknowledge the issue
Setting and holding boundaries is difficult. It can often feel like a temporary issue – “I’ll prioritise my work-life balance once we’re through this busy patch”. But if you can’t remember the last time you went for a walk, met a friend for coffee, or frankly did absolutely nothing for an hour, perhaps this is a long-term pattern, and is unlikely to resolve itself.
If your current boundary setting isn’t working for you, and you know in your heart of hearts that it won’t get better without taking action, then you’ve taken the first step by acknowledging the issue.
2. Understand the root cause
Let’s face it, having poor boundaries can sometimes serve us well as we advance through our careers. It may even be the reason we got to our leadership position – we’ve worked hard to deliver results in the face of adversity, stepping in when others wouldn’t, and having deep subject matter expertise. But we also know, deep down, that this kind of effort isn’t sustainable. To continue to be the best leader we can be, we need to think carefully about our health and wellbeing.
Leaders who struggle with boundaries often have a root cause (or even a few root causes) that lead them to overcommit. It could be the fear of disappointing others, the desire to prove themselves, or the need to be seen as indispensable. Sometimes, we are not even conscious of these drivers – we may have been experiencing this since our school days!
Take some time to reflect on what drives you to take on more than you should. Understanding your triggers empowers you to address them head-on.
3. Find a way to say “no” authentically
Saying "no" doesn't make you incompetent or unhelpful. It means you’re not prepared to risk the successful delivery of a project by over-promising. But, it can feel uncomfortable, especially if it’s not something you’ve got a lot of experience in!
Reflect on when someone has said “No” to you. Did they do so in a way that was unhelpful – a blanket response with no apparent consideration of the impact it would have? Did they leave you feeling abandoned, frustrated, misunderstood, or even angry?
How about when someone’s said “No” in a different way. They’ve listened carefully to what was needed, evaluated their ability to contribute, and ultimately decided that they can’t meet your needs. How did that feel? Disappointing, perhaps, but also understandable. Did they offer an alternative, such as “I can’t do it by this Friday, but I have some time next week”? Or perhaps they signposted you to someone else who could help?
4. Embrace delegation
Have you ever had a manager who seemed to absorb all of the interesting work, leaving you with things which were routine, predictable, and well within your comfort zone? How did that feel?
And how was it when you were trusted with something new, stretching and exciting?
Delegation is an important aspect of leadership. It allows you to focus on high-impact strategic activities, and empowers your team members to grow.
Start by identifying tasks that can be delegated. Try not to tell yourself it’s easier if you hang on to it. Yes, it might be for the next two weeks, but what then? Talk to your team. Understand any gaps in their confidence and competence levels in taking on this task. Then, support and trust your team to crack on.
5. Communicate your boundaries
Open and honest communication is key to setting and maintaining boundaries. Let your team know about your boundaries, whether these are your working hours, the types of meetings or emails you should be routinely included in, or where they have autonomy. Of course, this will ebb and flow depending on the confidence and competence of your team, and the size of the challenge they’re working on, and so regular dialogue is important.
Remember that your team look to you to role-model good boundary setting. You might tell them to take their breaks, work their hours, and log off while they’re on holiday, but are you demonstrating the same? Your team are likely to do what you do, not necessarily what you say.
6. Prioritise self-care
Modern work is challenging. It is never-ending. There is always more to do, always one more email to send, always one more task to tick off. When we accept this, we accept that we may never be on top of this, and this gives us permission to prioritise self-care, even though there’s one more task to do.
Make sure you’re prioritising things like relaxation, exercise, sleep and activities you enjoy. You will feel better for it, and you will feel more capable as a result.
Asking for help is a crucial aspect of self care – and this does not need to wait for you to hit a crisis point. If your to-do list is too long, if you’re struggling with that report, if you need a second opinion, if you just want a bit of sympathy – ask!
And finally…
Setting better boundaries is not a sign of weakness. It’s a hallmark of effective leadership. By acknowledging the issue, understanding the root cause, saying “no”, delegating and communicating your boundaries, you can ensure you have the energy to be the best leader you can be, whilst fostering an empowered and effective team.
It is easier said than done. It requires dedicated focus, and you won’t get it right 100% of the time.
How good are you at setting your boundaries right now. 3 out of 10? 5? 7?
What would it take for you to turn it up just one notch? Who can support you with this?
Take the first step toward becoming a more balanced and impactful leader today. Your team, and your future self, will thank you for it.
If you’d like to chat through how your boundaries and work-life balance are affecting your performance as a leader, and discover how coaching may help you to be even better, please contact me for a free, no-obligation discovery call.
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