I’ve been working with a group this week who have been reflecting on their leadership styles. I always think that to understand where you’re going, you've got to understand where you’ve come from.
What do I mean by that? Well, we often develop our leadership styles intuitively. We lead in the best ways we know how, based on the limited knowledge we have early in our careers. We – consciously or unconsciously – adopt the good habits of leaders we’ve worked with, and avoid the bad ones. We form habits which often go unevaluated for years, until we get the opportunity to step away from our day jobs and do some deep reflection on what’s working.
A coachee of mine had experienced awful bullying from her line manager several years ago. It knocked her confidence, made her doubt her decision-making, and it affected her health. Years later, she continues to notice the impact of this line manager.
She promised herself that she will never make anyone feel the way that her manager made her feel - entirely understandable. But she has come to realise that the leadership style she’s developed is not serving her or her team well. Her desire to put her team first and ensure their happiness is prioritised means that she feels the need to be ultra-available for them, and so they contact her out-of-hours, because she’s told them they can, and now she doesn't know how to re-draw the boundaries. She can be reluctant to delegate because she doesn’t want the team to feel pressured.
She's spent her career avoiding the behaviours of her bullying boss. Instead, she has developed some unhelpful habits of her own, and has ended up in a bit of a pickle.
As Rachel from Friends discovers when she's telling off Joey for his (admittedly rather inept) boating skills, it's easy to develop unhelpful habits when you're avoiding becoming something you don't want to be:
"Oh my God. I've become my father. I've been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn't see this coming!"
Rachel Green, Friends
My coachee knows she knows that this can’t continue. The current working arrangements mean she doesn’t have time to prioritise her strategic objectives, and her team are not getting the stretch they need to grow and learn. There is a risk that she will burn out, while at the same time, her team feel disempowered and feel they aren’t learning. She’s working on adapting her style to one which is more empowering, but stays true to her values of kindness and respect.
What impact has other leaders had on you? And how has that shaped the leader you are today? Are there any bad habits you've developed that need to go on the bonfire this weekend?
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